Well it's been a while since I voiced an opinion about the state of CB radio so let's get started on some of the operators who really need to be told. The Spasticity Challenge is a regular point score for outstanding displays of spasticity on SYD01. I'll do my best to monitor and score the contestants on a weekly basis and add a few quotes where possible.
If you hear something worth a mention please post here and we'll give it a score to add to the individual tally. Each contestant will be rated on a scale of 1 to 5 with 1 being poor and 5 outstanding. Penis sizes are calculated on average score of the other categories, so 1 inch is given for each average point.
The contestants for the Inaugural Spasticity Challenge 2008 are:
Milo.
This dribbling loser spends his days semi conscious, rambling inaudible crap for hours on end. Rumour has it that years of drug abuse have eroded what few brain cells he has and all he has to live for is the occassional acknowledgement of his existence on radio with short bursts of abuse aimed at him. Methadone may be the answer!!
Ratings:
Signal 1
Audio 1
Originality 1
Entertainment Value 2
Irritation Value 2
Persistence 3
Spasticity 5
Average Score (penis size) 2.14 inches making him a muddy spastic with a small penis.
The Texan
There's a photo of this guy next to "Obsessive Compulsive" in the dictionary. This guy is Winston Version 2.1 with an even bigger peg on his nose, smaller vocabulary and matching small penis. All through the day we hear "Apologise Russel" from a creature who should say sorry for stealing our oxygen. Your a winner Tex, a real wart on the penis of CB radio.
Ratings:
Signal 2
Audio 4
Originality 1
Entertainment Value 1
Irritation Value 3
Persistence 5
Spasticity 4
Average Score (Penis size) 2.85 inches of wrinkled gay penis
Nick Harris
Nicks been quiet on Ch1 lately but based on average performance in the spasticty challenge he deserves a guernsey. Average points on the scoring were bolstered when he tried to have Spud charged with wilful damage and ended up looking like a fat unemployed liar in court when the judge accepted my evidence that the fence was damaged prior to Spuds visit to him as "Entirely credible and accepted as fact" hahaha. Just rembember Nick, a 250U and co-phased beams are no substitute for a penis and a life mate.
Ratings:
Signal 5
Audio 5
Originality 3
Entertainment Value 1
Irritation Value 5
Persistence 2
Spasticity 3
Average Score (Penis size) 3.4 inches. (somehow I believe this score may be generous)
Brandog
Where do you start in describing this toss pot. Brandog is a one man band of spasticity, cowardness, brown nosing, repressed homosexuality and he has a smile that would scare a mako shark. There are few exponents of spasticity on CB radio who could match this guy in the ugly stakes. Simply put, he had a great head for radio! Brandog is one of the few operators who has scored a perfect record of saying the wrong thing since he first keyed up on Ch1. Lets look at some memorable ones.
"I'm a cop"
"I used to be a cop"
"I was training to be a cop but got thrown out"
"Copy Alana?"
"Yes I'm homosexual"
"Yes I'm bisexual"
Ratings:
Signal 3
Audio 4
Originality 4
Entertainment Value 1
Irritation Value 5
Persistence 5
Spasticity 5
Average Score (Penis size) 3.85 inches making him one big spastic penis!!
Swollen Colin
I'm sure all you readers know about good o'l swollen colon. Colin burst onto the SYD01 scene in typical moronic fashion. He couldn't get anyone to notice him or chat to him so he chose to ratbag the shit out of the repeater with a toy dog that made barking sounds. Colin quickly attracted attention and was tracked down double time then the usual crying and bitching started. Colin has a rare quality in the spasticity competition that gives him that edge... A thoroughly nausiating voice! Coupled with a total disregard for the need to say anything remotely intellient, this makes Swollen Colon a serious contender in the Spasticity Challenge.
Ratings:
Signal 5
Audio 5
Originality 3
Entertainment Value 2
Irritation Value 5
Persistence 5
Spasticity 3
Average Score (Penis size) 4 inches, the biggest spastic penis so far!!
I know the attention span of radio operators is small so I'll post the rest of the contenders later. You can look forward to seeing the following.
Teddy
Mad Dog
The Rock
Echo
Neil AKA Guido
Tripper